Friday, February 8, 2013

In Our Hearts Not Under It

So, this is the moment. The moment that 7 years ago or wait even 30 years ago I thought would never happen. What moment is that? The moment when the paperwork is sent and the process has started for my husband and I to be Parents. BUT... Yes, there is the all important BUT it’s not the way Ryan and I had ever planned or even dreamed. And because of that we want to share our story. A story of prayer, dreams and tears. 

So, as many of you may know 9 years ago I met my amazing husband Ryan. We started in the usual way. He asked me out I said no, he asked me out again, I said no. He asked me out a 3rd time I said yes. You know the normal story, LOL.  Well, it started from there. My future, my love, my life.  Ryan and I dated, got engaged and then married on 11/12/05.   

Fast forwarding thru illness, job loss, death and tragedy and you are landed in December 2009. This was the moment. The moment that took Ryan and I’s breath away. Stopped us completely in our tracks and on landed us on our knees.  The moment when I knew something was wrong and I was in the emergency room.  There, we heard it. The news that I had a large mass on my right ovary. I remember that I couldn’t breath. I remember thinking I’m too young for this. Dear Lord, I do not have children yet.  Yet, at that same time I had the subtle voice of God saying, you’ll be completely OK, I got YOU!  

By January 2010 the mass had grown rapidly and so did my pain. By February I was not living much of a life and could do little to comfort myself. Finally, the news came the test results are in and there it was. I had a large tumor on my right ovary. It was about the size of a grapefruit. Though it did not appear to be cancerous they would not know till they saw it for sure. Scans and test showed some cancer cells but only surgery would say for sure.  

As the doctor sat Ryan and I down in his office to go over the test, scans and surgery options and what my future was going to look like.  I was scared. More scared then I’d ever been and though I seemed to keep it together I was a mess. All I could picture was seeing my mother fight not just breast cancer but brain cancer and even that ended up taking her life. I was terrified of this happening to me!  Ryan, my strong husband never let on that he was worried, but he’s eyes could not lie.  Still even with his worries he was phenomenal staying by my side never wavering. Being my strength and reminding me Christ is in CONTROL and the center of this. 

So, the surgery was scheduled for April 8, 2010, and there I was being prepped. Surrounded by my loved ones and more nervous and calm at the same time. What an uneasy feeling.  My family of course prayed over me and stayed close as I was wheeled back.  I knew that it was very possible that I would awake from surgery with a full hysterectomy and all hope of having my own children gone. 

So, yes, as you might know or have guessed the surgeon had to complete a FULL hysterectomy. By the time I had surgery the tumor had grown to the size of spaghetti squash and the cancer cells had ran wild. I was lucky though that the cancer was successfully removed by the surgery.  As I woke up and was told the news I was of course devastated but somehow I was at peace. Then I knew, my child would grow in my heart and not under it!

Months pass and the test continue and no sign of cancer. Praise the LORD right? I mean, God really blessed Ryan and I and we fully know that not all are so lucky.  Ryan and I knew this was the start of another chapter in our lives. The chapter of uncertainty, anger and forgiveness.

Life was hard, I was getting used to my new body and new hormones levels and Ryan was adjusting to this new idea of a new future for us.  Our conversations started to change. They went from talking about getting pregnant and trying in-vitro to should we foster or just infant adopt. 

So, January 9, 2013, was the day. I’ll never forget it. I’d been giving Ryan space and letting him lead us. I was waiting for the go from him to move forward for the foster-adopt process because it is lengthy.  He said it and I couldn’t believe it! He said, “You know, I would like to see us have kids before the end of the year!”  I teared up with Joy and couldn’t believe it. I wanted to shout to the HEAVENS!  I didn’t want to scare off my husband so I kept it gentle and I said “YOU GOT IT! I’ll Make the call tomorrow.”

Well, here we are today 2/7/13 and the process has started.  I know God has definitely softened Ryan’s heart and prepared him for this amazing life we are going to have.  Ryan and I will BE FOSTER-ADOPT PARENTS!   Ryan and I’s heart is to adopt siblings between the ages of 1 and 6. 

Ryan and I have a lot to do and not very much time to do it in.  The licensing process takes 4-6 months and we’ve have several things to get to make our home complete for children.  This is were we are asking our friends and family to help.  Ryan and I obviously can’t do this alone. We need YOU!  

Below are a list of things Ryan and I need. 
  • Crib (needs to change into a toddler bed) Cannot have drop down sides
  • Crib Mattress
  • Dresser 
  • Changing table
  • Twin size bed
  • Twin Mattress
  • Stroller
  • High Chair
  • Booster seat
  • Car seats (age 1-5)
We will be having a garage sale in March to raise money to help cover some of the expenses. But we are asking for our friends and family to help!  Friends and family will you pray for us? Will you ask God how you can help us?  If you are lead to donate please let us know if only by prayer, financially or by giving us any of the items we need.  We are so grateful for what God has done for us and we want to share that love and joy.

More details to come as they happen. Ryan will be posting so stay tuned as you hear from us and this amazing Loveology NOT Biology story God is writing for us!


Dena B. 

1 comment:

  1. Dena - thank you for sharing your story. My heart was touched and my eyes filled with tears. I pray God's blessings for you and Ryan as you begin this new path together. What a blessing you will be to the children God places in your life!

    Susan Sullivan